apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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