I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
