it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
