I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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