ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
