did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
