I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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