like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
