What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
