Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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