i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
