Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
