how can u be prego again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
