At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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