Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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