He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
