We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
