Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
