If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
