Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
