LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
