That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
