i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
