forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
