The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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