I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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