Me too!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She said her name was "party"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my being single is dangerous.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Randomize
