I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
