my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
