the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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