very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
