Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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