i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
