Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
