Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
