Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
