Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
