I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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