WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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