I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
