THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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