Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
