I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
