my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
