Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
