Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
