I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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