either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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