He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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