And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
