I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
