The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
