she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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