The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
