thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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