he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
