so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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