dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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