my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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