It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
