I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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