oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
