bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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