Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
