Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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