He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
