I cut my penus on the lid.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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