he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
