i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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