Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
