please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
