I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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