i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
